Let’s talk about sex – part 1

Men think about sex every 15 seconds, supposedly (though I couldn’t find any proof). What does that mean, though? I asked a (male) friend recently, and he said that it varies. He said it can be as simple as walking down the street looking at people and rapidly evaluating them: “yes”, “no”, “no”, “maybe”.

I was somewhat taken aback. Men’s thinking about sex surpassed even my own imaginings. Obviously, I realized that I have received appreciative looks, and those looks did not convey any desire to necessarily get to know me as a person. But I did not realize that men sized up the tottie as they were walking down the street – at least, not men over the age of 20, and certainly not those over 40.

Then last week, I was at the park with my child. We were eating ice-cream and watching the world stroll, run, rollerblade and cycle by. And a shirtless guy went past on a bicycle. Now, normally I would consider a topless man somewhat indecent, and I admit that was the first thought that flashed through my mind. But the second was, “But God he’s got a hot bod – I wouldn’t mind some of that” or words to that effect. The third was, “Oh! I just did that thing that C was telling me about!”

It is strange to think that one might think about sex and not even realize it. I’d say that that is probably true for lots of women. Even the more ‘forward’ ones probably don’t equate a stray thought such as, “Mmmmm, you are lovely,” about the guy serving drinks in your local bar as a – shock! horror! – ‘thought about sex’.

Let’s be honest: Nice girls don’t think about sex. And they only have it in the context of a love relationship. Although that’s a step up from only having it in a marriage, and then only to procreate, the socialization of women is still very strong. According to this study, 40% of 19-year-old females had indulged in “premarital sex” (the term itself speaks volumes) in 1968, but only 15% were what we might nowadays term ‘sex-positive’. By 1983, a whopping 73% of 19-year-old women had ‘done it’, but only 45% had a “permissive attitude”.

There were no more recent figures but I was recently asked by a man, when talking openly about my own sexual experience, “aren’t you afraid of being judged?” I thought about that for a while and concluded that people’s judgement is more about their own hang-ups than about me. Obviously, I don’t go around telling my work colleagues that I write erotic stories, but that is frankly because sex is not part of my work environment. Perhaps I would if I reviewed porn films for a living, for example. In any case, the very fact that someone would consider it appropriate to ask me that question shows just how strongly the social taboo persists.

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